There is always a price to pay for whoever you choose to marry, as you will eventually marry him or her with the good and bad traits. You need to be careful when you decide to settle down with anyone that has been in one or two relationships or marriages prior to the time you are going to meet them. It is better to look at for someone who has healed from his or her past, as they tend to have less issues to deal with.
Some men have turned down the idea of marrying a widow or divorcee because such women will find it difficult to be loyal in the new marriage, they will surely concentrate more on their kids and not the new husband. She might begin to compare the men in her life, creating issues in the new marriage. The mother in laws will constantly prevent their sons who have not been married before to marry previously married women with kids, as they believe their sons are inexperienced and can be short-changed in the process.
Most people struggle with blame game, suspicion, contempt, litigation and emotional torture after divorce, widowhood or widowerhood. Research shows that more than 75% of second marriages can end up with the couples seeking divorce due to incompatibilities. The existing problems in the previous relationships and marriages can be taken into the new ones if care is not taken. As posited, comparisons with ex partners are detrimental to the development of the new marriage. It is quite easy to find a new partner and get settled, but it is not easy when you try to draw similar traits or qualities in your new partner.
We cannot deceive ourselves, there is still a stigma attached to previously married individuals, a divorcee is seen as irresponsible or wrong person, while the widow or widower might be questioned unceremoniously. So, when you pass through the trap of a toxic relationship or marriage, you still have to face the societal ills and name calling. Your children must be well taken care of while you need to live your life. There are partners willing to marry you, but the kids you have in previous marriages will be a subject of discussion.
Imagine a man that marries a widow with three kids, and these children are always coming between them at any time they want to have nice time together, no matter the level of religiousity, your partner will fume. It takes a lot of understanding and commitment for him or her to accept you with your kids. These lovely children's position must be clearly defined before new marriage, perhaps you may be thinking of how to send your children to boarding school, hostels or grandparents. A sister was linked to a brother who lived abroad, this sister is divorced with four kids, the brother later turned down the proposal because he did not have the capacity to bring the woman and her four children to the UK, so he opted for the other sister.
Being out of marriage is not as easy as you would have thought, but it can also be an exciting adventure and an opportunity to start again and get it right this time. Once you have experienced a first or second marriage that did not work out as expected, it is time for you to employ good processes like prayer and counseling sessions to accompany your healing process. You can not get it right by staying away from marriage for years, you can only perform better when you choose or determine to follow the process properly.
While your first thought after a divorce or death of a spouse might be 'never again,' the chances are high that you will get married again, so begin to gather information and knowledge to keep in you touch with the reality of marriage. Do not rush it. Getting to know yourself afterwards will do you a lot of good. With your counselor, invest some time to identify the issues that were problematic in your last relationship or marriage. Take time to heal and understand your own relationship needs and expectations, this is critical if you intend to remarry. A relationship therapist can significantly prepare you for remarriage so you do not become one of those tragic statistics.
There are amazing brothers and sisters out there who have gone through toxic relationship or marriage at different times, they are good people who did not get to know about the proper processes before marriage, but now, they are ready to get it right with the help of Allah, that is why I will advise you to choose out of the individuals who have been counseled, they have been able to unlearn, relearn and learn from their past mistakes, the opportunity has come for them to love again, such persons will value a blissful marital relationship. Find stability in your life first to avoid instability in re-marriage.
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